self-improvement

what are we doing?

by Lara on January 7, 2009

in geek

Last night, I was curled up with the boy, perusing the interwebs. I wanted him to see Pinky Show. I’ve been a big fan for years but hadn’t caught up in a while. One of the newest episodes was “We Love Museums… Do Museums Love Us Back?” Check it out. It’s an extreme anti-intellectual viewpoint but it’s always good to see things through different eyes. (This one about the legalities of the Iraq war is my absolute favorite.)

So, this got me thinking about style blogs, especially NotCot.org and the like. This particular site is comprised of contributions by people like you and me (and probably a lot of self promotion) but it’s curated by these fine folks and their employees:

Founders, Jean Aw and Daniel Frysinger, are user experience obsessives (her background being a masters in interaction/ux design and his a BA in HCI/CS and was working for one of the few internet giants).

Sites like this as well and other fashion blogs, home decor blogs, tech blogs, and even this blog are telling readers what to value. These sites are little museums of sorts, showcasing the coveted and especially the NEW – everyone covets the new. What makes any of this important? I guess we all make our own personal decisions as to what we think is important or not but I have a feeling that our decisions are being carefully guided and sometimes I’m left feeling shallow and empty by all of this nonsense…

My google reader has over 600 unread posts and at this moment, I just don’t want to look at any of it. I’m going to go clean out my aquarium in my 7th grade gym shirt. Sometimes you just need to step away for a bit.

 

{ 4 comments }

stars in your eyes

by Lara on December 30, 2008

in geek

we are very small

Check out GRIN for so many beautiful pictures.

My mother was a hip lass, and while I was trapped in a southern baptist school against my will for 9 years (for the quality education), I discovered her old astrology books in our basement. They were full of trippy illustrations and referred to women as “birds”. They were full of sexuality and men with beards and the way they described my supposed personality as an Aries was so strong and bold and dominant that I wanted desperately to be this person on the pages. I wanted to be the most powerful girl of the zodiac that was also the most challenging to date. (God bless a self-fulfilling prophecy.) I adored these books. I adored that they would piss off my teachers and make them think I was the spawn of the devil. (I think the good grades are what saved me from an exorcism.) I adored the albeit weak connection to astronomy, which was a deep passion of mine growing up.

Soon, it ruled my life. I was one of those jerks who had to ask you what your sign was if I intended on exchanging more than three sentences with you. This then allowed me to make judgement calls on people when I knew absolutely nothing about them. This allowed me to feel like I knew something special, like I had an advantage over people. Any guy I met would get a thorough studying up on so I would be prepared for what was inevitably going to happen. I couldn’t have been more wrong. In fact, I believe it was an extreme disadvantage, as it limited my expectations and what I allowed myself to perceive. The mind can play silly little tricks on you when you allow it to. You start reading into everything and seeing things that aren’t there in people. You explain things and make assumptions that you have absolutely no right to and you are usually so wrong on so many levels that your life is a constant humbling experience. You grasp for even more complex explanations to why things aren’t making sense. You lose your appreciation for the intricate variables and spontaneity in the lives of others and end up not taking people for who they are, at face value. While we all strive to have some semblance of control and predictability over our lives, the fact that I was buying into the exact same type of hocus pocus bullshit I was reacting against in school makes no sense, in hindsight.

Astrology became my religion when I was a child and it didn’t leave me until a few years ago when I was lucky enough to take History of Psychology under my friend Beth’s father, Professor Leahey, who wrote the text, A History of Psychology (an amazing book and the reviews are so nice). He basically explained the building blocks of all the philosophical theories throughout history that contributed to the interest in and formation of psychology as a modern science. Through this, I could clearly see the reasons why it eventually led up to astrology as a desperate attempt at gaining answers about life. (We also once thought that rats spontaneously came from dirty rags. A limited knowledge of science can make for some wacky and fantastic explanations… much like every religion, but I’ll keep my mouth shut about that for now.)

Sometimes when you are faced with such an intelligently argued and brilliantly simple explanation, you have no choice but to let go and submit to Occam’s Razor. There was just no way any of it could be real and finally, I was free.

It was difficult at first to retrain myself with a new set of operant conditioning tools. I no longer asked people what their sign was, refused to refer to what was now a collection of about 30 books, refused to think about what was already stored in my brain. I just went with the flow and life was lovely. Men still managed to disappoint just as much as they always had but I got more joy out of getting to know people for who they truly were. I quit projecting past fears onto new people. I quit avoiding certain people because we weren’t supposed to be compatible. I reacquainted myself with old friends.

I also have come to grips with the fact that I’m not really an Aries, Libra rising, Aquarius moon, Venus in Aquarius, Mars in Pisces. I am a human being who has been shaped by nature and nurture just like everyone else. I have many moods that can’t be explained by anything and I am as changeable as a chameleon and as predictable as a sunrise. Some people make me want to smack them just from looking at them and some people steal my heart in an instant.

It’s a little bit embarassing to admit now that something so silly could have such a hold on my thought processes for so long. Lately though, I have been noticing astrology as a reference point in a few blogs and when I thought that it had kind of lost its appeal, I see that it still is quite popular. A while back, Doe Deer wrote about this insanity. I just dug it up and thought you’d enjoy.

I have a really hard time throwing away books and while I could’ve sold my collection on eBay, I really just want them all to rot so, I have been slowly throwing a few of these sad little books in the garbage whenever I think about it. I threw my last ones away yesterday. It was especially cathartic and a nice way to start a new year. What chains or silly ideas do you need to let go of?

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+ & -

by Lara on December 18, 2008

in + & -,fashion,geek

 +

  •  Polyvore is rad.
  • Japanese scientists are rad.
  • This goth/punk Barbie is hilarious! (I used to want hair like that!)
  • I have written over 100 posts on this blog since September 19th!
  • LD Tuttle makes some ideal shoes that are tickling my fancy! I think this set is the perfect shoe wardrobe for a lifetime! Seriously, what more could you want? I would trade my entire Imelda Marcos shoe collection in for these 4 pair. (Well, I wouldn’t give up the Vans.)

 
LD Tuttle by mymilkglassheart

  • When I do decide to spawn, I want to give birth here.
  • PsyBlog has another positive and helpful article on gratitude and its beneficial effects on your mood, in just 2 minutes! Nothing is too small to be thankful for. I am so grateful for so many things right now!
  • This song by Sigur Ros sums up the intensity in my heart right now… and they did not sell out! ;)
  • I am loving my holiday break! I have two more classes next semester and I will (finally) be a college graduate. This has been a long time coming and I’m proud of myself for being so persistent and sticking with it (and doing really goddamn well) in spite of all the stressful distractions in my life. I am going to sincerely miss school though. It has always been a source of joy in my life.  
  • Tiramisu gelato is the devil.
  • The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack is pretty much the best cartoon ever! “I’m just exercising my huggin’ muscles!”
  • I am completely in love.

-

  • Do I need to tell you how incredibly creepy leggings are with shorter tops? These are not trousers.  They are leggings… which are essentially tights without feet and they have no business being regarded as pants. They are a layering tool. If your pants are not equipped with a fly, cover your damn crotch.
  • A low-carb diet is better for you than a low-fat diet. I’m in so much trouble. (via Discover)
  • Fashion is wasted on Richmond. The best it gets is a Hipster Runoff-esque sprinkling throughout the city. (I have no idea who’s shopping at Saks.) I asked the boy what he thought of me possibly shredding a pair of cheap skinnies like the Margielas everyone is doing right now. Consensus = I would look like I was ready to go to a Motorhead concert. I couldn’t help but agree… that trend’s bubble is going to burst in 3…2…1…
  • Why do I insist on drinking strawberry energy drinks when I’m tucked in bed at 3am, so then I get zero sleep?  Because they are delicious!
  • Christmas is 8 days away and I feel totally unmotivated.

{ 4 comments }

read a book!

by Lara on December 11, 2008

in fashion,geek

This summer, I had the sincere pleasure of taking one of the most challenging classes I had ever enrolled in. I don’t know why I even signed up. It wasn’t a requirement. I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment but, International Political Economy sounded like a swell subject. I’m a nerd at heart.

Well, this was an online course. We were told to read a book each week and write a lengthy paper supporting our own thesis which either agreed or disagreed with a certain point of view held by the author. We also had to participate in heated discussions online. The professor was, for the most part, absent yet very harsh in his criticisms when he managed to be back from some economic journey to Russia. I got an A and I learned more than I ever have in one class, other than Physiological Psych.

These were my favorite books out of the class and I recommend anyone interested in the fashion industry to read these to have a broader idea of what is going on in the world and how manufacturing effects all of us, since clothing manufacturing is one the first things an impoverished nation resorts to when it’s pulling itself up.

The Travels of a T-Shirt in the Global Economy

The Bottom Billion

In Defense of Globalization

The Challenge of Global Capitalism

Markets and States in Tropical Africa

The focus of the class was globalization. Is it a good or a bad thing and how can both sides of the debate be satisfied? Sweatshop work and the textile industry was a huge focus of all the authors I read.

Recently, the blog, The Coveted, brought up the important topic (and had a huge debate in the comments) about cheap clothing and the supposed detriments to society because of it. I, of course, had to put my 5 cents in because nothing bothers me more than wrong assumptions and misinformation. I was questioned as to why I thought the used clothing markets of Africa are a good thing so I had to elaborate a bit further (I can get really long-winded on things I’m passionate about).

@Fair shopping fairy: I’m basing my opinion on the book I previously mentioned which elaborated on the purest of free markets which (at the time of publication) was the “matumba” market of used clothing. Used clothing in certain areas of Africa have allowed entrepreneurs to start their own businesses and has allowed people to have access to stylish clothing (which they are very selective about) that increases pride. There are many different countries in Africa with many forms of governments and laws that don’t allow free trade so the matumba is just sold on the black market since the people want it so badly. In the book, there was also mention of a man who had been selling used clothing for so long that he had saved enough money to buy and refurbish an old textile factory where he planned to create jobs for his community making new clothing.

This is not a matter of exploitation- it’s a matter of free markets at work, healthy competition, small business owners, pride, and giving impoverished people a chance to do something when their industrial and agricultural systems are so far behind everyone else that there is no way they can fairly compete.

Charities are overrun with so much clothing they don’t know what to do with it. This overflow is bought by the pound by privately owned family businesses here in the U.S. These companies employ people to expertly sort through the mountains of clothing (the highly prized vintage clothing is sold to boutiques and vintage stores) and there is a use for everything else. It is the ultimate form of recycling. The African clients develop a real relationship with the American sorting companies and there are pressed bale opening parties in Africa where other start-up sellers get first dibs on the freshly revealed items. It is an enjoyable social aspect of their culture now.

I could go on and on about the vagaries of African economies (and other regions in extreme poverty). Instead, I will recommend reading “The Travels of a T-shirt in the Global Economy” as well as “Markets and States in Tropical Africa” by Bates and “The Bottom Billion” by Collier.

There are so many side to every story.

So, there you go. That’s where I stand on that issue. I probably would’ve jumped on the “exploitation” band wagon too had I not read a damn book about t-shirts. It’s so easy to play the bleeding heart these days and instantly demonize everyone else who doesn’t but we all need to take a deep breath sometimes, before we go off half-cocked on a sensitive subject – especially a subject that involves people on the other side of the globe that we have no way of relating to whatsoever.

This leads me to the rest of what I want to say here. Not everyone wants to be like us. Not everyone has the same priorities as we do. Not everyone wants our interference. No one wants our damn pity. Everyone wants to get out of extreme poverty with dignity.

Sweatshops. Oh yeah. Let’s go there.

I will say that human rights organizations are a HUGE part in the fair treatment of what is usually an unskilled rural, docile, female workforce. When a country first decides to get industrialized (which is the first step in getting out of extreme poverty), it is primarily women from farms who move to the industrial zones to work. Textiles/clothing are usually the first things to get manufactured in these struggling countries and the women definitely work incredibly long hours in poor conditions. These conditions get better over time. The women gain experience. They ban together. They demand more for themselves and through their experience can look for better jobs when they become available. These women would rather work for 18 hours in a factory where they can make their own decisions, can spend their own money how they see fit, are away from their oppressive patriarchal farming families where their fathers want to tell them who they have to marry… and they still make 10 times more than their fathers do with less back-breaking work.

After these newly industrialized countries gather an experienced workforce, more advanced markets come in, like electronics and whatnot, which require more skill. These women (and men) go to night school, choose thier own partners, begin to work less hours, get promotions, make lives for themselves… and we pay less for a product.

So do you want to buy nothing but American? Well, then, do you want to have millions of people starving all over South Asia, Eastern Europe and South America? These people are relying on us to buy their products so that they have jobs to take care of their families. We rely on them to make things for less money so that we can save enough money to take care of our families. $5 here and $5 there are two entirely different things but we’re all just trying to survive.

I would also recommend you watch Frontline’s special China in the Red. It will explain so so much.

<3

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perspective

by Lara on November 17, 2008

in fashion

Hello! I haven’t contributed to this wee blog for a short while. After being bedridden for 3 days with strep throat, things begin to pile up around you, errands need to be run, laundry needs to be done and people you have missed need to be kissed. A lot. These are the things that really matter.

I don’t know where I’m ultimately going with this blog entry but I have a few things I want to get on my chest.

First off, I want to clarify my stance on consumerism, fashion, art… and the point of this blog in general. I love a lot of things: the sciences, mathematical theory, history, literature, philosophy, international politics and economics, psychology, arts, crafts, photography, architecture, music and fashion. Fashion does seem to be the main focus here but I think I’m on the right track of having all the other things I love dotted throughout.

I started reading fashion magazines when I was inappropriately young. I never really tried to emulate any of the styles. I just enjoyed the theatrics of the editorials, the perspectives and techniques employed by the photographers, and the attention to detail of the designers and their seamstresses. The first time in my youth that I truly wanted an article of clothing to the point of desperate pleading and hysterical bratty fits (directed towards my mother) was when my still best friend Angie showed up in 3rd grade (1987) with lace-up ankle boots (much like what is in style right now) that fit her tiny feet. Her mother had found them at a thrift store so the chances of myself getting a pair of Madonna-esque “Like a Virgin” heels that fit me were slim to none. My ever-patient mother still took me all over town to try to find a pair anyhow, to no avail. The next big thing was about a decade later with those stupid stupid Doc Martens. I bought them 2 hours away at a Nordstrom in DC and slept in them that night. I did get into goth and punk and whatnot but for the most part, I dressed in the style of the boys. So you see, I never really cared that much about appearances and when I did try, things felt very awkward.

It wasn’t until I was around 20 that I realized something was off with my style. I had spent a year in a very random marriage (I’ll save that story for another time) and this odd year landed me at a crossroads where I was in a state of limbo. It was the end of dressing like a boy and the beginning of becoming an adult and I had no idea what to do. My friend and coworker at the time taught me the virtues of a good pair of bootcut jeans, interesting tops and strappy heels. My life was forever changed and fashion was no longer a spectator sport. I was finally in the game. A decade later, I now truly feel like I’m comfortable with my style decisions. I know what my limits are, I no longer feel the need to experiment (there were some doozies) and I can still appreciate what is beautiful in a magazine and never expect to emulate it. (Oh, and I’m still most comfortable dressing like one of the boys – jeans, hoodies and skate shoes.)

This brings me to this blog. I don’t ever want anyone to feel like this is the stuff that really matters in life, or that I think it is. Fashion is so far from being truly important it’s almost embarassing that I enjoy it so much. Fashion is a guilty pleasure. It’s an appreciation of things that one can adorn themselves with. It’s vain. It’s shallow. It’s a ton of fun but, a pretty dress doesn’t make you a pretty person. Good fashion sense and being a savy shopper isn’t going to win you the life you’ve always dreamed of. (Being uber trendy in a sea of people who just want to be clean and comfortable can actually make you less approachable.) When I finally began to love who I was on the inside was when I finally felt confident in/with clothing. This is no cooincidence. So, please don’t take this blog seriously. Seriously. This is just a collection of things I think are pretty, innovative, fun, or just plain sick.

The endless parade of expensive shoes/clothes purchases I see on a lot of the fashion blogs can easily make a reader feel inadequate because this is no longer the land of fantasy magazine spreads of designer clothes and celebrity photo shoots. In those days, you knew there was no way in hell anyone “normal” could afford that stuff. It was pure escapism. Now, the blogosphere consists of real people that you can really relate to, who may or may not be more financially secure than they let on, or may be getting themselves into some serious financial trouble to keep up with a certain image.

At the end of the day, my heels and adorable dress aren’t going to make me laugh and smile and feel truly wanted in this world. Being a kind and generous person who is there for those in need is what really matters. It’s still okay to appreciate the pretty once in a while.

{ 5 comments }

gifting

by Lara on November 12, 2008

in geek

I have had moments of being overly generous in the past. My first year at my new highschool, I was so excited about all my new and wonderfrul friends that I went broke getting the perfect gifts for an excessive amount of people. The joy I got from making so many people feel appreciated was worth it but looking back, it was a bit much and a bit foolish. Last year, quite a few things were put on the credit card and I have not been happy about paying it off this year.

Christmas is going to be here in the blink of an eye and I don’t think there’s anything kind and generous about having an empty checking account on December 25. You have to be kind and generous to yourself too. I don’t think I know a single person who has the recommended 6 months of income tucked away for an emergency, which is especially important in this uncertain time. Maybe we should be good to one another and take some of the pressure and expectations away.

Maybe this year would be a good idea to start a name drawing where friends/family pick a name out of a hat and are only responsible for one person. You could also set a price limit.

If you truly value the time spent with dear friends and family, why not plan a party instead of gifts. A byob potluck is a great way to feel festive with friends, play some cheesy holiday music, eat one of those cheese balls rolled in nuts, take a ton of pictures and have fun without a major financial burden placed on anyone.

There’s something to be said for eliminating junk from your life. Do you really need to add more junk to the lives of those you care about? How about a gift that will get used up and will not become a dust catcher a year later. A box of chocolates, a candle, bath products, a gift certificate to a favorite restaraunt or coffee shop, a gift certificate for a simple manicure, a bottle of wine or decadent flavored liquor… all will be indulged in and eventually will be gone but the memory of the experience will always be appreciated.

Practical gifts with serious personality are always appreciated. I for one, would love a snazzy new umbrella. Maybe grandma would like a modern pair of patterned rainboots to make her feel cheerful and hip.

Okay, this is going to sound a little crappy but it’s the truth. Have you repeatedly given gifts to a certain someone over the years and have never received anything from them in return? I know the holidays are about giving but, maybe this year would be a good time to draw a line in the sand and exempt yourself from spending on that special person this time around.

Here’s a previous post I did about cheap independent design. Lots of ideas!

Some people like to give a lot of little gifts to someone as opposed to one large one. Those little things add up quickly. Maybe one nice chef’s knife would be more affordable than a basket of silly kitchen gadgets, and definitely more appreciated in the long run.

Is your father dying for a plasma TV? Everyone in the family (and his friends) could chip in for this huge purchase. No donation is too small and everyone gets to sign a big card. I did this for a friend’s birthday a few years ago. She wanted an iPod and of course you need to get the accessories like a car adapter and charger and extended warranty, etc. Some people donated $5 and some gave $50 but everyone played an equally important role in helping their friend have an awesome birthday. It involved a bit of legwork and pestering emails on my part but a dream gift for someone can bring a room to tears. (I think she liked the card best of all.)

Your friends/family could also choose to adopt a disadvantaged child, family, or animal shelter from a charitable organization and place the focus of giving on someone who truly needs help.

Getting crafty and making something by hand can sometimes cost more than just grabbing something at the store so, if you get the great idea to sew and embroider everyone a personalized pillow, think about all the supplies you will need, the true cost of everything, and the time involved. I have never once started a project with wonderful intentions and have it turn out the way I had envisioned in my mind, without some unexpected disaster. Be realistic.

Photo cards are a fun idea – dressing up the dog in a santa hat makes everyone smile, as well as a personal hand written letter letting those you love know how much they mean to you. You can also get your family/friends together for an ugly holiday sweater group photo. As bad as it sounds, it’s even better if you go to a place like Wal-Mart with uber cheesy backgrounds at minimal costs. Just take the 8×10 to one of those photo machines at the drugstore and get a bunch of smaller sizes made up for everyone, or print them at home if you have the right printer.

No matter how you attempt to make the holidays a bit more reasonable and sane for yourself and those you love, it truly truly truly is the thought that counts. Wouldn’t it be nice to finally have a holiday season that was more about quality time and laughter than lines and traffic and anxiety and debt?

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appreciating space

by Lara on October 11, 2008

in decor

I supose I have a minimalist aesthetic when it comes to how I like my surroundings – everything paired down to utilitarian necessities with a few special touches. When I was maybe 8 years old, I begged my mom for a subscription to Town & Country Magazine (I had problems). Anyhow, there was a feature on this huge sunny loft that had been covered in glossy white enamel and in all the vast space, there was hardly any furniture. I was in love.

an approximation

I’ve grown to appreciate empty space, a clear counter, an uncluttered coffee table or desk, a cleaned out fridge, a tidy yard. To me, empty space epitomizes cleanliness – less dust catchers to catch dust, lest dust catchers to have to shuffle around on cleaning day. Less things to break, less things to go bad, less things to be attached to emotionally, less things to own you. Less = more freedom, more time, less anxiety, less work.

Some people would find this incredibly boring and I’m not saying I don’t enjoy a pop of color or have a touch of sentimentality, it’s just that by keeping things to the bare minimun, I get to keep my sanity. My father makes reproduction Chippendale furniture and while it is indeed beautiful and intricate and takes much talent and patience to make… seeing all those tiny grooves in the carving for dust to settle in, and the delicate laquer finish I can’t place a coffee mug on just unnerves me to no end. I much rather prefer a Parsons style table – sharp edges and flat surfaces – cleaning is a breeze. Wow! I sound like I have OCD. Truly, I don’t.

To some people, empty spaces cause anxiety. These open areas are just begging to be filled. They become an excuse to go shopping. There MUST be something in that corner! I have watched my neighbors do this over the past few months. They cordoned off an area in their front yard for their two small dogs to safely play outside. The fenced-in grassy area soon acquired an ironic fake fire hydrant, a bird bath, a sundial (dogs need to tell time too!), a concrete bench that they will never use, and a few rabbit lawn ornaments. There is something in each corner and it looks less attractive than it did when it was just simple lovely grass. I’m sure the dogs appreciate the effort though.

The fire hydrant will lose its paint, the bird bath will have to be maintained for mosquitoes and algea, the sundial will tarnish and is just as useless as the bench and the rabbits. Yes, I’m sure these little decorations have given the owners some joy but what I’m trying to point out is that true joy should not be coming from filling voids in your surroundings. All of this… well… crap will end up filling a landfill one day.

Is it just a matter of taste? Maybe. Indeed, I may be a snob. I do find some nic nacs and decorating ideas adorable. This ingenious use of vintage flashcards as a wall decoration is just beyond brave to me. I supose the clean, sparse, modern surrounds don’t hurt either. (So much storage space to keep things tidy!)


Apartment Therapy

 This article from Apartment Therapy (a fantastic website) addresses maintaining a balance between cluttered traditional and cold modern environments. I also thought this article of 18 ways to declutter your surroundings is gentle with its baby steps – it eases you into making changes. Once you start to see how much stuff you have in your box to give to charity, you will become more aware of your wasteful spending habits. (For me, it was a ton of skirts that I compulsively bought but never wore.) It’s a little frightening at first to confront your bad habits but it’s so good for you in the long run.

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restraint

by Lara on October 7, 2008

in fashion

With our economy hanging on by a thread of desperate measures and the most important election in our history only a month away, it seems almost frivolous to be wasting time writing about fashion and design. I supose writing about it is better than going broke buying it all up, right?

For myself and many others, retail therapy has always been a way to decompress, get out of the house, browse, get inspired by new things and usually come home with a treat. Now, through technology, we don’t even have to leave our homes to get a shopping fix! For me, this past year has been full of changes and revelations in regards to the person I want to be for the rest of my life, as I’m about to leave my 20s. This includes restraint in shopping. One of my first blog entries was about cleaning out my closets and admitting to myself that I simply need to stop buying things that just weren’t ME. I find all kinds of things attractive and cute but that doesn’t mean I will ever feel comfortable with those things on my body. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I accept who I am. I can’t embrace every little shiny new thing that comes out. I can appreciate these things but I now feel empowered to say NO to a lot of things out there, even if they’re on sale!

For the most part, I avoid purchasing loud items. An amazing decadent party dress is one thing but daily wear should be able to blend seamlessly with the rest of your wardrobe, in my opinion. Some things are so undeniably trendy though, no matter how well it blends into your existing wardrobe, it’s going to eventually become one of those over saturated items of clothing where everyone will be sick of it after one season. (Square scarves anyone?) I now somewhat regret purchasing the AA leather-look leggings. They’re EVERYWHERE! They’re no longer subversive… they’re a wardrobe staple in all the magazines and street style sites. I waited too long to get them and thankfully, I didn’t spend a fortune on them but; I would rather save up and buy a quality pair of rock-star-leather pants that will last me a lifetime one of these days.

How about the completely impractical 5″ heel platforms that normally would be relegated to red carpet events and exotic dancers? They’re in all the editorials, touted as daily wear shoes now! Gorgeous? Yes! The type of shoe to make you stop dead in your tracks and vow to wear them with everything to justify the cost? Yes! When will these shoes ever really be worn? Do we not already have plenty of special occassion shoes in our closets? How often do we wear our purchases and does our wear justify the price? Hey, I’m just trying to get honest here.

Patterns are especially tricky since they are so susceptible to trends. There are indeed classic prints but, for example, Ikat was huge this summer and it’s now fading out (to be replaced with absurd florals in the winter). What are you going to do with all that Ikat hanging around in your closet? Was it worth the money to wear it a few times before it didn’t feel current any longer? What are you going to do with all that blue and white floral that’s going to be big next spring when everyone says, “Oh there she goes looking like a piece of Chinese porcelain again”?

I’m not saying that I think there’s anything wrong with staying current and picking up a trendy piece for a bit of fun in your wardrobe. I’m simply posing the issue of cost justification that only you as an individual can figure out. I think a lot of us have gotten a wee bit carried away with our credit cards and that $100 shirt will end up costing us $500 after making minimum payments for a few years. As much fun as it’s been trying to pretend… we are not Carrie Bradshaw!

There has to be a give and take in life. One can’t just take take take and expect to feel balanced. Shopping to fill a void is also a futile endeavor. A major achievement of mine this year was quitting smoking which has resulted in me pretty much not drinking socially anymore. I’ve lost all desire and I’m saving a TON of money! So, I don’t feel so bad spending the same amount on a pair of boots that I would’ve spent on drinks with friends that week. (I also had no business spending money on both drinks and boots before I made some changes but, I did anyways and I’m now trying to rectify my bad spending habits.)

It’s time to grow up a little bit, to start putting some money away for a rainy day. Things are very unstable right now and not to sound like Chicken Little, but we all do need to be more aware about our wasteful spending and take a little bit of pride in saying no to a bunch of things we never really needed in the first place (instead of pouting and feeling denied) and put that money in a safe place, for our future, for our children, for more meaningful goals than a new pair of shoes.

(I still plan on blogging about beautiful things and we all still need to treat ourselves on occassion! It’s good for our souls!)

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unchained

by Lara on September 28, 2008

in beauty

On September 11 of this year, I quit smoking. There was no symbolic timing to the date. I just happened to magically not desire cigarettes anymore on this particular day. The magic is due to Chantix.

About 3 weeks prior to my quit date, I had gotten my annual physical and asked for the prescription. After being a pack-a-day smoker for about 15 years (roughly half my life), I had tried everything. The patch made me jittery. The gum was simply annoying. Cold turkey almost killed me and those dear to me. I don’t believe I’m the type to be easily hypnotized. So, big pharma was my last option.

I had promised myself I would quit before my 30th birthday, had been gearing myself up for months, and was really anticipating getting this prescription after a dear friend told me wonderful things about her boss quitting within a week of taking it. 

So, I get the prescription and a $10 off card and all sorts of information from the drug company about their online and over-the-phone 24-hour support. The information said to pick a quit date to aim for after you start the pills. I didn’t, nor did I take advantage of the offered “support”. I simply paid $116 for a month’s prescription (!) and took the pills like I was suposed to. Oh, and I continued to smoke for 3 weeks.

The premise behind Chantix is that it works in a similar way that antihistamines do for allergies. Like Benadryl blocks histamine receptors, Chantix blocks the nicotine receptors in your brain. So, you smoke and smoke just like you normally would but the cigarettes do nothing for you.

You do ease into the prescription. The first week, you take a staggered  dose that slowly increases.  The second week and all weeks after, you take two pills of a larger dose every day. So, I’m sure some nicotine was weaseling its way into my system during that first week… easing me into getting over it completely.

There was a side-effect warning about vivid dreams and that certainly was true for me. I honestly wish I could continue taking these pills forever because my dreams were some of the most detailed, lucid, spectacular dreams I’ve ever had.

Depression has also been touted as a serious side-effect. I have my own issues with anxiety and depression so, I can’t really tell what contributed to what but- making a drastic change to your daily, hourly habits is not an easy task and it’s going to cause some amount of depression, anxiety and adjustment time. For me, the bummed out mood I have experienced is nothing compared to what I’m sure cancer would make me feel like, and it didn’t last very long so, I was okay with that trade-off of bad side effects. If you do end up taking Chantix and experience serious depressed moods that you are not comfortable with, I urge you to call your doctor immediately. (There’s my little disclaimer.)

There was something strange about taking a drag off a cigarette and feeling like something was missing. I wasn’t getting that little rush that I had been taking for granted all these years. Also, knowing that the cigarettes weren’t doing anything for me anymore made me feel incredibly foolish when I was still reaching for them.

Fall semester began around the same time of starting the pills and one of my classes happens to be “Learning and Cognition”.  So, while I was getting weaned off nicotine, I was also learning about behavior and how easily we are manipulated through classical and opperant conditioning (think Pavlov’s dogs drooling at the sound of a bell). I was disgusted for allowing myself to become a slave to such a tiny little bundle of tobacco.

Wake up- cigarette. Coffee- multiple cigarettes. Driving- cigarettes. After a meal- cigarettes. Walking around- cigarettes. Hanging out with friends- cigarettes. Sitting at the computer, reading, studying, after going to the gym, while putting on my make-up, after sex, sitting at a bar…

Even though this conditioning we all undergo causes us to associate certain stimuli with mundane things, it’s simply an unfortunate result of repeated pairings and; it’s easier than you would think to break yourself of the habit.

For me, it was simply weaning myself off nicotine that was the first step. I really needed to rid myself of the chemical dependency so that I could focus on the behavioral aspects without committing murder. On that fateful morning this September, I woke up and just didn’t smoke. It’s as simple as that. After making it an entire day, I quit taking the pills. This was probably foolish on my part but, I figured I was over the hump and… I was. (You are allowed to take Chantix for 3 months so, if you don’t quit as soon as I did, not to worry.)

It certainly wasn’t easy and almost 3 weeks of being cigarette free (with no cheating either!), I can still say that they are on my mind a lot. I have noticed that I have a more difficult time sitting still these days. I have to be doing something – anything. It’s good in a way because I have certainly been getting more done. It’s also incredibly nice to be free of cigarettes in general. I don’t have to constantly have something in my hands or in my mouth. I am truly free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, uninterupted. I smell better and I can smell better. I seriously can smell things so much more intensely now! I can smell a smoker a mile away and it’s DISGUSTING! I feel like I have greater control over my health and my life in general and this has opened the doors for so many other goals that I never thought were attainable - not drinking, possibly going vegetarian, starting a blog :)

I just want to enjoy being alive!

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