UPDATE on 9.15.2010 Twitter has changed and here is everything you need to know about those changes.
Most of you will just skip over this post but there are a few of you out there who have yet to join Twitter. I recently did a post on how to set up Google Reader for RSS feeds and now I want to help you figure out Twitter.
You know the updates you do on Facebook? Well that’s pretty much all Twitter is, in 140 characters or less.
There are a few ways you can use it: on your computer directly on their website, through an app on your smart phone, or through text.
Here is their support center with tons of info.
I’m going to go by the actual website and you will be able to figure out the rest. This may look long and complicated but it’s really quite basic. Even cats and the elderly tweet! I know you can too!
First off, you have to set up your account and come up with a name and user pic. Make your name short and sweet. Also, I wouldn’t use my entire real name on anything.
Send a tweet off into the world. I’m not going to tell you how and what to tweet. You’re an adult.
Who will see it? Everyone in the world can, unless you make your tweets private to only those who follow you. (You will get more followers with a public page. No one wants to ask permission to follow something they can’t see at first anyhow.)
But how will they see them? If you choose to keep your tweets public, people who directly follow you will see them. Anyone who’s nosing around lists to look for people to follow, or checking out conversations between you and someone else will be able to see what you tweet too if you leave them plublic. Also, if they do a search for keywords (usually to find people to spam) people can see your tweets, and there are things called hashtags.
Say you’re watching your favorite show and you tweet about it. You want that show’s fans to be able to find your tweet if they search, looking for a sense of community and to see what others are saying. For the sake of popularity, you could add #TrueBlood somewhere in the tweet. That little # sign makes it a tag. (Don’t use spaces.) Someone can click on it and go to all the tweets where people also tagged #TrueBlood. You can also use hashtags to be funny or use them like a side comment.

So you want to speak to someone directly? You type in the @ and then their name at the beginning of your tweet. (You can send one tweet to multiple people, just put the @ before each name and a space between each.)
EX: @milkglassheart you are the best!
Or, you can click on “reply” when you hover over their tweet (their name will pop up in the text box automatically), or you can click on “mention” in the drop-down menu after you hover your mouse over their name and click on the bottom right box.

So who will see that tweet? Well, the person you sent it to will see it, as well as anyone who follows both you and that person. This is how you get to see mutual friends having conversations.
Now, if you tweet like this instead, then everyone who follows you can see it because you wrote something before the @name
Hey @milkglassheart you are sooooo awesome!
There are a few silly little technical things like this that you have to do to make it work for you.
There is also Direct Messaging (sending a DM). You can only DM people who follow you back. No one else can see these tweets but you and that person.
Talk to people! Even the celebs and other well-known people! They will talk back to you! It’s crazy!
If someone you don’t follow mentions you, it won’t show up in your timeline. Only people you follow are there. You can find all tweets to or about you in the right side column under @yourname.

Now how in the heck do you find people to follow? Other than finding a twitter link on people’s blogs, you can also nose around and see who your friends are following or talking to. Twitter now gives recommendations for you to follow. There is also the retweet and the #FF (Follow Friday). Take a look at people’s tweets, checking out the ones that aren’t @someone and see what kind of stuff they write.
A retweet is when you think someone’s tweet is so great you want all your followers to see it too OR if you want to respond to someone’s tweet but you want everyone to see the original one you are responding to. (Personally, this gets on my damn nerves because some people use it every single time they respond to someone.)
Next to each tweet on the website, there is the option to retweet. It won’t come up in your own timeline though. You can find all retweets in the sidebar.
You can also retweet manually and type in RT then the person’s @name and copy & paste their tweet (maybe even add your own commentary in parentheses after).

The way to add a response on the website is to just copy and paste the other person’s tweet and write what you want to say then RT in front of their @name. (The reason I keep talking about the website is because different phone apps work a little differently and will allow you to edit a retweet before you send it so you don’t have to copy and paste anything. For my Blackberry, I use Ubertwitter.)
Look at this insanity! I retweeted a retweet!

So, you’ve retweeted something someone else wrote and your followers may enjoy it enough to want to follow that person as well.
Follow Fridays (hastag #FF) is where you can recommend people for others to follow every Friday. I don’t know how this all started but it’s just what some people like to do. I don’t do it but I’ve found some great people to follow from other people’s shout-outs.

You do not have to follow anyone back who follows you. If someone follows you and you check out their tweets, frequency, and subject matter, you may find that you don’t want your timeline clogged up with their crap. Unlike Facebook, Twitter isn’t so damn sensitive about not being friends; and if someone does have a problem with it then they need to grow the hell up. There’s a bunch of people who do #TeamFollowBack and #F4F (follow for follow – you follow me, I’ll follow you. Total garbage. These people for some reason care more about how many followers they have than the actual content they can enjoy.)
You can also unfollow a person if you get sick of their tweets.

As you can see, you also have the ability to block people from following you. It is your responsibility to report spammers and get them off of Twitter where they suck up space and make it shut down from overload (happens quite a bit). Check out all the little boxes and things to click around people’s tweets and you’ll figure it out.
You can organize the people you follow into lists. I just have a list of local people in Richmond, VA that I follow. This way, if I just want to see what’s going on in my city, I can click on that list and see only the tweets of locals. You can make as many lists as you want and organize them any way you want.

You can also add a star to your favorite tweets or any you want to refer back to. If you hover over a tweet, things will appear, including an empty start to click on. These will all be in your Favorites section on the right sidebar.
Oh, and there’s also TwitPic. There are others but this is what I use. You can upload pics from your phone or computer and your next tweet will be the link to that pic.
Aaaaand there’s TinyURL. If you want to share a link to a website but what you want to say and the link exceeds 140 characters, this will shorten it. You just copy and paste.
Oh, and if you sign up for Foursquare and link it up to you Twitter account to tell everyone where you go, you will annoy me and everyone else. You don’t want to do that, do you?
There are a bunch of other stupid little things about Twitter that you’ll figure out over time but this should be enough to get you started.
Here’s a list of a variety of people I follow to get going.
The Dalai Lama (no kidding, he has an authorized twitter account!)
Breaking News (great news source)
Sean Murray (funny funny guy. I follow A LOT of comedians. They always RT one another so, there’s an endless supply of new ones to follow all the time)
Here are more comedians I like: Alec Sulkin, Julia Segal, Kelly Oxford, Wendy Molyneux, Alex Blagg, Caprice Crane, Whitney Cummings, Suzy Soro
Agent Lover (She’s a fabulously funny fashion blogger and I love her tweets like whoa. There’s also Daddy Likey.)
You can follow the Kremlin. Seriously.
The Rules
Shit My Dad Says
Very Short Story (kinda weird)
Let’s Die Friends (love her)
Nucking Futs Mama (mommy blogger and a sweetheart)
Rich Juzwiak‘s cat Winston that’s all over the interwebs (Rich’s twitter)
Sockington (another cat)
Caramel Bobby (a dog)
Filthy Richmond (This local woman is raunchy and ultimately just wrong.)
I Eat My Kidz Snack (another ridiculous woman. I love her.)
Conan OBrien (There are tons of celebrites)
Karl Lagerfeld (So many fashion people, fashion mags and bloggers!)
Coco (Ice T’s wife. She is a riot! Thanks WendyB for making me Coco crazy!)
The Humane Society
CERN (You know I gotta follow them!)
Sarah Palin (Just so you can tweet her and tell her how stupid she is)
Just go check out the people I follow! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! Oh and follow me dammit! Let’s be friends!