I’m drinking my first cup of coffee in 3 days. You guys… I kinda went nuts there.
My eating habits got flipped upside down and I have only eaten whole foods, nothing processed and only a tiny bit of lean ground turkey in chili for meat.
After getting those test results, I pretty much went on a research blitz which finally culminated into a breakdown and major crying jag last night. I mean, how would you feel if you read scholarly medical articles for hours on end?
I think that’s how I handle most of life – headfirst like a bull, take care of business, learn everything I can and then finally collapse from the weight of it all.
I was talking to D about it last night – how when you’re 5 years old and your mom is falling down everywhere she goes, you have to tough it out and deal. The last memory I have of my mom being healthy was when I was about 4 so, 30 freakin years ago. Fuck. I always had to be the little trooper, staying calm and helping her in every possible way. Right before I was old enough to get my learner’s permit, I was helping her move her foot off the gas pedal. Seriously, we were desperate to survive and you only got to whine and cry about it once in a blue moon.
So, my main interest has been these genetic mutations I carry, particularly the MTHFR C677T one. I’ve read a ton of studies and a few have linked this mutation to multiple sclerosis so, it’s all kinda making sense to me now. My mother had all the symptoms of being homozygous for this mutation so I’m pretty sure I got it from her. This all took me down a sad rabbit hole of “what ifs” and regrets for not knowing and not doing more for her. I had always tried to not treat her like a victim. Maybe I should’ve coddled her a bit more. Maybe I should’ve been sweeter… omg sob sob sob.
I’m heterozygous which means I only have it on one half of my DNA, which isn’t as bad as it could be but it’s still pretty scary. Basically this mutation causes you not to metabolize folic acid and homocysteines properly, which opens up a shitty can of worms in your body. I’m supplementing and eating super healthy now so, what more can you do?
Today is also day 8 of not smoking! Weeee!