A little note on my car issues and people not believing in you in general – I had been having some car problems with lights popping on, rough idling and feeling like it was going to cut out on me at stoplights. The code reader at AutoZone gave me a litany of things it could possibly be and since a few of those things were part of a tune-up my car really needed, I took care of them on my own first. No harm, no foul and maybe the issues would resolve themselves. They didn’t.
So I researched forever online and found that a ton of people had the same codes and the same issues. There was one definitive solution that made total sense to me. A certain gasket actually had a manufacturer’s defect that Saturn had acknowledged years ago and when fixed, the problems were gone. I researched how much people charged to fix it on average, how much the gasket itself cost, what tools I would need and the work involved. I thought I could do it.
I was poo pooed by the men in my life. I love ‘em but geez they wanted to argue with me. I didn’t need their help. I just wanted their support. I knew exactly what I needed to do. It would’ve been about 5 hours of extensive work but if you put things back together the way you took them apart, a $30 gasket and my own work was a lot sweeter than over $400 at the mechanic.
What if that gasket wasn’t the problem? Well, at least I troubleshot on my own and wouldn’t have to pay even more. Instead, they broke my spirit, made me question myself and genuinely depressed me. I ended up not challenging myself and trying something exciting on my own, unafraid of risk of failure.
I ended up taking it to a mechanic and when I heard from him on Wednesday morning and he said “intake manifold gasket” I just about crapped myself. I was right. In the end, every penny I paid was worth knowing that. I felt justified in my upset.
I’ve also learned a lesson to trust my gut and not get discouraged by people who think they know better than you when they have done zero research on the issue. I don’t know why some people don’t want you to try new things on your own. Do they think you’ll eventually ask for help? Do they think you’re going to fail so they try to spare you? I have no idea and it shouldn’t matter.
In the end I allowed myself to be talked out of doing something I thought I was capable of and I thought was right. I’m going to try to be better at ignoring the naysayers.
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times like that remember this – Source: allposters.com via Nicole on Pinterest
nicole recently posted..Pink Door Ltd’s Opening Day!!
I’ve found that men (generally, not all of course) will tend to discourage you when it comes to anything remotely technical or mechanical because that’s their territory. But the fact is, whenever anyone (man or woman) is dealing with something they don’t know, they will have to figure it out, as you did, and as you might’ve been able to fix the problem. I know where you are coming from. I’ve had years of doubting myself when it comes to anything like this even though I work in a super technical job and know I can figure it out. That’s why stupid things like changing the battery in my thermostat or the lightbulb in my garage are such big wins. Men are always like — oh, you can’t do that on your own. Screw that. I’m going to try to do all kinds of things, and so should you.
You felt so proud of yourself when you fixed your thermostat though! Even if it was really simple to someone else, I’m glad you put your fear aside. What was the worst that could happen? That’s what I always think!
I guess it depends how much satisfaction you get out of spending your own time. If you love working with your hands and you have the skills, then go for it! But in my case, if I don’t have the skills, I’d much rather hire the expert rather than spend the time to do the always-half-ass job that I do with things. Programming for my blog is on that list….
WendyB recently posted..It Was 20 Years Ago Today: Nirvana’s Nevermind Album
Oh definitely Wendy. I would never attempt something where I didn’t have and couldn’t afford the right tools and had no idea what I was doing, just to save a buck and have some fun messing around. I knew exactly what I needed to do and it required one small tool I had. All it was going to take was my time, which I had plenty of. Thinking of what I make an hour and how many hours it would take to do it and how much money I would save, it was in my best interest financially to go ahead and give it a go. If my transmission was on the fritz though… totally leaving that to an expert.
There’s nothing I hate more than being second guessed, when I know I’m right. Also, why does it always seem to be the men doing the second guessing. I really don’t want to bash men, but I work in a male dominated environment and this sort of thing happens to me all the time.
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Saturday at the bf’s fam’s house they had a couple over and I was hanging with the men in the living room. Apparently my situation had been discussed when I wasn’t around and his dad said, “You made the right choice by taking it to the mechanic.” I said, “But I really wanted to do it myself” and they all cracked up laughing. I was ready to kill. OMG. I was murderous for a hot second.
LIKE.
These lines resonate SO LOUDLY to me:
“I don’t know why some people don’t want you to try new things on your own. Do they think you’ll eventually ask for help? Do they think you’re going to fail so they try to spare you? I have no idea and it shouldn’t matter.”
Well said! And I’m really glad you took this situation and let it marinate into such a great post. It became
Victoria recently posted..Only 26%? I call bullshit. I sleep with a yeti every fucking night.
Though I hate to admit it, Paris Hilton said something in an interview once that really resonated with me. She said, “Just tell people what they want to hear, and do whatever it is you wanted to do anyway.”
Though not an adage applicable in every situation, I have found that it saves me quite a bit of frustration when I try to get people on board with what I want to do. Nay-sayers really want to hear that they are right, so telling them, “Yep, I think you’re right, I’ll [insert action here]” validates their unfortunate need. I’ve always ended up doing what I wanted to do in the end, anyway. If I screwed it up and it didn’t work, I don’t have to go back and eat crow; if it works, then I make sure to rub it in the nay-sayers face.
Hey, I never said I was virtuous….
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