Of course we’re not the only culture that’s concerned with body image. Growing up, on documentaries and in your grandpa’s old National Geographic magazines, you saw the women whose necks were stretched with brass coils, the stretched lips and ear lobes, sharpened teeth, the intricately tattooed children. Those practices have been passed down in cultures for centuries. I feel that most of these techniques are rooted much deeper than in the superficial. They are culturally bonding, and are rites of passage and inclusion into adulthood.
In our culture we’ve seen endless plastic surgeries and invasive procedures to preserve our youth. The myriad of simple things we do on a daily basis are to meet up to a certain standard of beauty. My mother taught me how to be a “woman” by showing me how to dress for the occasion, apply makeup, shave my legs… the girlie stuff expected of a lady. I just can’t help but think most of these practices stem more from insecurities and a pressure to measure up than any spiritually bonding ritual (although all that stuff with mom and pedicures with your girlfriends certainly can be a bonding experience).
It wasn’t until I was a teenager and buying those fascinating Japanese fashion magazines, that I saw entirely different types of pressures other women of modern industrialized countries have to endure. I saw that their body issues were a bit different from ours. Where we want flat tummies, they passionately want more narrow ankles and calves. They are also pressured to look Western. This honestly breaks my heart. The thought of wanting to remove the essence of your ethnic identity, to be ashamed of that, hurts. In the backs of those magazines are tons of ads for products promising paler skin, surgeries to remove the essential Asian-ess from their eyes, dental procedures galore, and I just saw this on eBay, which prompted me writing this post in the first place. It is a clip to make wider noses more narrow.
This is ridiculous right? Well, it’s not any more ridiculous than the mess us Westerners put ourselves through physically and emotionally.
My father is Serbian and my mom is essentially a WASPy mutt. My entire life, I have been insecure about my nose, which I inherited from my dad. My dark hair, dark eyes and my anything-but-a-button nose are my Serbian parts. I’ve really been put through the ringer over it. Let’s just say that children are cruel and so are adults. It has been difficult to look at myself sometimes when I’m having a body dysmorphic disorder-style ”bad nose day”. This is infuriating and irrational because this has become my reality simply because others have made it so. It’s soooo unfair. If I went to Serbia, Greece, Turkey or Italy, I would blend right in so I know I’m not some anomaly. Part of growing up and fostering your self-esteem is to learn to love yourself, lumps and all, regardless of other’s opinions/ignorance. I will never remove that part of my ethnic identity and I truly wish we all could just start accepting and loving all the things that make us unique. Love what you have inherited. Those Irish freckles, that short torso from your grandma, your dad’s cute stubby toes, those wider set eyes, muscular calves, unruly hair, hips a hawt belly dancer would kill for… I promise that for everything you dislike about yourself, there are a ton of people who admire it and wish they had that quality. I’m still trying to remind myself of this every day.
my profile in its full glory
I recently read this post about the implications of simply saying “I’m so fat”. Check it out. It can apply to a lot of our insecurities.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, I really like your nose! It gives you character. I mean, what the hell is going on with all these women getting unfortunate nose jobs? Remember what happened to Jennifer Grey? She got a nose job that made her completely cookie-cutter and unrecognizable and has publicly stated she regrets it.
Aww thanks! It’s starting to grow on me!
My nose mentor is Anjelica Huston. I read an interview once where she said when she first got into acting, she was told to get a nose job and she’s so thankful she didn’t. I just looked at the Jennifer Grey pics. Wow! She almost has a tiny Bjork nose now. Taking that much off terrifies me.
Why are we so mean to ourselves? Honestly, sometimes I think I am going to combust with negativity when I see pictures on the dreaded stalk-book.
You have a great nose!!
I haven’t heard of this “stalk book” but it does not sound good at all. You know, I love making fun of terrible fashion and all but, when we start to criticize things about ourselves and others that are integral parts of our being, that’s really crossing the line. We need to be better to ourselves and one another.
When I was in Kosovo, I came to the conclusion that women from Eastern Europ are the most beautiful in the world. They’re all slender and dark haired and light eyed and they’re just beautiful. So, I think your nose is great!
You’re so sweet! Really, I didn’t do this post to get compliments but they sure are nice! :) My cousin is dark with pale green eyes. Kills me.
A few years ago, I would’ve NEVER posted those pics anywhere. This was just as much of an exercise in self-acceptance for me, as I’m trying to encourage everyone else.
I feel the nose thing. My Dad is from Serbia too, my mum is English/Irish, but of course I managed to inherit the nose. Didn’t help that I broke it when I was about six. I hated it when I was younger, so much that I actually thought about getting surgery (which my nutter of a mother decided to encourage)…now I love it. It’s distinctive, and even though it might not be a cute button it’s mine. It took me years to come to terms with loving my body for what it is, and it’s like a weight off the shoulders.
Wow! Thanks for sharing that! It means a lot!