On September 11 of this year, I quit smoking. There was no symbolic timing to the date. I just happened to magically not desire cigarettes anymore on this particular day. The magic is due to Chantix.
About 3 weeks prior to my quit date, I had gotten my annual physical and asked for the prescription. After being a pack-a-day smoker for about 15 years (roughly half my life), I had tried everything. The patch made me jittery. The gum was simply annoying. Cold turkey almost killed me and those dear to me. I don’t believe I’m the type to be easily hypnotized. So, big pharma was my last option.
I had promised myself I would quit before my 30th birthday, had been gearing myself up for months, and was really anticipating getting this prescription after a dear friend told me wonderful things about her boss quitting within a week of taking it.
So, I get the prescription and a $10 off card and all sorts of information from the drug company about their online and over-the-phone 24-hour support. The information said to pick a quit date to aim for after you start the pills. I didn’t, nor did I take advantage of the offered “support”. I simply paid $116 for a month’s prescription (!) and took the pills like I was suposed to. Oh, and I continued to smoke for 3 weeks.
The premise behind Chantix is that it works in a similar way that antihistamines do for allergies. Like Benadryl blocks histamine receptors, Chantix blocks the nicotine receptors in your brain. So, you smoke and smoke just like you normally would but the cigarettes do nothing for you.
You do ease into the prescription. The first week, you take a staggered dose that slowly increases. The second week and all weeks after, you take two pills of a larger dose every day. So, I’m sure some nicotine was weaseling its way into my system during that first week… easing me into getting over it completely.
There was a side-effect warning about vivid dreams and that certainly was true for me. I honestly wish I could continue taking these pills forever because my dreams were some of the most detailed, lucid, spectacular dreams I’ve ever had.
Depression has also been touted as a serious side-effect. I have my own issues with anxiety and depression so, I can’t really tell what contributed to what but- making a drastic change to your daily, hourly habits is not an easy task and it’s going to cause some amount of depression, anxiety and adjustment time. For me, the bummed out mood I have experienced is nothing compared to what I’m sure cancer would make me feel like, and it didn’t last very long so, I was okay with that trade-off of bad side effects. If you do end up taking Chantix and experience serious depressed moods that you are not comfortable with, I urge you to call your doctor immediately. (There’s my little disclaimer.)
There was something strange about taking a drag off a cigarette and feeling like something was missing. I wasn’t getting that little rush that I had been taking for granted all these years. Also, knowing that the cigarettes weren’t doing anything for me anymore made me feel incredibly foolish when I was still reaching for them.
Fall semester began around the same time of starting the pills and one of my classes happens to be “Learning and Cognition”. So, while I was getting weaned off nicotine, I was also learning about behavior and how easily we are manipulated through classical and opperant conditioning (think Pavlov’s dogs drooling at the sound of a bell). I was disgusted for allowing myself to become a slave to such a tiny little bundle of tobacco.
Wake up- cigarette. Coffee- multiple cigarettes. Driving- cigarettes. After a meal- cigarettes. Walking around- cigarettes. Hanging out with friends- cigarettes. Sitting at the computer, reading, studying, after going to the gym, while putting on my make-up, after sex, sitting at a bar…
Even though this conditioning we all undergo causes us to associate certain stimuli with mundane things, it’s simply an unfortunate result of repeated pairings and; it’s easier than you would think to break yourself of the habit.
For me, it was simply weaning myself off nicotine that was the first step. I really needed to rid myself of the chemical dependency so that I could focus on the behavioral aspects without committing murder. On that fateful morning this September, I woke up and just didn’t smoke. It’s as simple as that. After making it an entire day, I quit taking the pills. This was probably foolish on my part but, I figured I was over the hump and… I was. (You are allowed to take Chantix for 3 months so, if you don’t quit as soon as I did, not to worry.)
It certainly wasn’t easy and almost 3 weeks of being cigarette free (with no cheating either!), I can still say that they are on my mind a lot. I have noticed that I have a more difficult time sitting still these days. I have to be doing something – anything. It’s good in a way because I have certainly been getting more done. It’s also incredibly nice to be free of cigarettes in general. I don’t have to constantly have something in my hands or in my mouth. I am truly free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, uninterupted. I smell better and I can smell better. I seriously can smell things so much more intensely now! I can smell a smoker a mile away and it’s DISGUSTING! I feel like I have greater control over my health and my life in general and this has opened the doors for so many other goals that I never thought were attainable - not drinking, possibly going vegetarian, starting a blog :)
I just want to enjoy being alive!
<!--